Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
