im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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