I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
