I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
