Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
