i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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