I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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