It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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