My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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