You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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