I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
