You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
