So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
