And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
