Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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