If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
