I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
