How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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