tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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