shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
