How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
