i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
