Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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