i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
