First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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