i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
