it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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