how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
