You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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