My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You don't make any sense
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