He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
