we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
