just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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