and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
