Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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