Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
