I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
