I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
