My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so let's talk penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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