Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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