walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
