apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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