you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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