Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
