so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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