Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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