Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
