dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
