You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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