I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
