My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
