AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have post one night stand depression
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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