i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
