Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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