He kissed a someone with a penis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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