thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
