just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
