I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
