I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
