I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
