please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
