I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
