If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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