PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
