a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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